What Part of the Game Is This??

http://www.fox21.com/Global/story.asp?S=3456745&nav=2KPpasTq

What A Weekend

No, I didn't get rich or finally impregnate Oprah or triz Venus and Serena Williams or get to lay my mack down on CeCe Winanas. But it was one for the books anyway!! From the top:

I have an uncle that once said to me (in his own drunken way) that "The problem with women is that they have all the fuckin' pussy!". Some of you have heard me echo this sentiment in jest, but recently, this statement has taken a WHOLE new meaning in my life. Friday morning I figured that I'd take advantage of my afternoon start at work and the beautiful weather and go a little shopping in SoHo. Friday was a BEAUTIFUL day, about 75 degrees and sunny. Tons of folks got paid and were out burning money or just enjoying life in this lovely city of ours. My affinity for women in skirts/ (sun) dresses is well documented. My own mother once opined that I could never be a secret service agent. Not because I could be bribed or would be easily murdered by some mercenary sociopath, but because I could be killed by a woman in a short skirt that wanted to feed me rat poison laced chocolate chip cookies. To that I say . . . The woman knew me better than I know myself sometimes. It's a sad state of affairs, but probably true. But back to the matter at hand, I was in front of Yellow Rat Bastard and saw this absolute GODDESS! She was about 5'10", 36DD-26-40 (YES!!!!!!! I'm talking TOTAL coke bottle figure, the one liter size that I like), cocoa brown and had dark brown, poofy Kelis-like hair that I've been infatuated with for so long. She was wearing one of those dashiki-like shirts (and it was orange too, y’all know how I feel about orange) and an orange skirt that went just past her knees. She had pretty calves accentuated by the wedge heeled star sandals that she was wearing. She pretty much was what I would construct if I had to create a woman from scratch. I saw her in Best Buy but was trying to be cool and didn't make a move. I figured that she was doing the same thing that I was doing and that I would see her outside somewhere. Surely enough I did and could hear "Prototype" (Raheem's version, NOT the original) being sang by angels holding harps as the light bent around her to further accentuate her glow. As I racked my brain for some good bullshit to spit, the record skipped and this stereotypically butch dyke stepped in my path and alerted me to the fact that "SHE WIT SOMEBODY!". Huh?? What part of the game is this?? I mean, I have no issues with "alternative lifestyles" until their bad breath is in my face all but threatening me. I'm sure aside from my RECKLESS eyeballing of what I did not know to be her girlfriend, I was offending "Ellen" by looking at her as if she just stepped off of a space ship. I mean, she has to understand that her girl is fine! She needs to be upset if no one is looking. "Ellen" was about 5"'8" and a good 250 pounds. Probably could have been a linebacker in a different life. Aside from a tic-tac IV, she could have used some grease on them cornrows. Taking my awe struck silence for intimidation, "Ellen" went on about how "she wouldn't let niggas disrespect her and hers . . ." and that "I wouldn't have done no shit like that to a nigga . . .". At this point, I snapped out of it pointing out to "Ellen" that I didn't even SEE her. She never registered to me. She begged to differ stating that I had to have seen her in Best Buy. Nah! My attention was elsewhere. I also had to remind her that contrary to what she would like to believe, that she was still a female and that I was a male with quite the size advantage and that if she wanted to handle this like she thought men would, that I'd oblige her. Her girlfriend, who had been protesting for "Ellen" to stop her madness (all while checking out The Boy), pulled her away. This dude at the hot dog stand chimed in that he wished that I had "slapped the shit out that bitch" adding that "dem dyke bitches wanna act like men, they need to be treated like men once or twice to show them that they ain't". He went on, but I'll leave that out. Apparently, he's been in this situation and was not the physically larger person. That or he just outright got his bunny taken.

Let’s fast forward to Saturday morning after a VERY long work day. As stated in this space I actually wanted to venture out to Brooklyn but politics and bullshit (more like poor planning on the part of the organizers) quashed that. I was just about to be content sitting in the crib watching movies, or maybe going to the movies when the phone rang. It was The Small Wonder who had planned all along to go to summer stage to see John Legend. She was miffed that she had gotten to the park later than she had initially planned because as expected, the line was ridiculous. My answer for this was for her to hike up her skirt, knot her shirt in the back and bat her eyes to which she replied "at who, there's nothing but women out here!". WORD!!!! I'm gonna hop in the shower and I'll be there to show you how to do this!!! Fast forward an hour. She NEVER lied. The female to male ratio had to be atleast 6:1. There were short bunnies, there were tall bunnies. There were big bunnies, there were small bunnies. If you like bunnies, there were PLENTY there for you!! That had to be somewhat what heaven must be. Good music and LOTS of women. I almost feel badly for the idiots that came with their girlfriends or on dates (not that I haven't been in this situation before) because there is not a man on the planet (that likes women) that has the discipline to have NOT had his neck on a constant swivel. I am sure that there were a number of hetero women looking around and saying "damn she fine" at some of the women there. The Small Wonder had procured entry by the time that I had arrived, not that it stopped me from discreetly (as discreetly as someone my size wearing an orange shirt could have been) skipping the line and making my way into the concert. I walked up on The Small Wonder giving her account of what happened on the night of the Common concert with Mos Def and let’s just say that our stories varied. In this version of the story, she had gotten her 15 dollars and Mos Def went home sans fitted cap that is probably in orbit.

ANYWAY I guess I should talk about the music since that was suppose to be the point here right? Well, it was a damn good show as expected. Female DJ Reborn kept the crown entertained with a great mix of songs before a new Columbia Records recording artist named Meleni (pronounced Melanie) opened the afternoon with a short set. She lefts lots to be desired as she went from a gully song about getting down in the bathroom and blowing trees to a song about meeting God to a happy go lucky tale about life that apparently appeared on the "Hitch" soundtrack. Her band was good. Next Up was Lyfe Jennings whose current claim to fame is his 5 week winning streak on Showtime at the Apollo. His debut cd, LYFE 268-192, is well worth checking out and he brought a great charisma nad energy to the stage. The crowd was unsurprisingly into his performance and sang "Stick Up Kid" and "Must Be Nice" word for word. Check for this cat on tour this summer with John Legend, Common and De La Soul. Next up was the man that bought us all out, John Legend.

Now the Fat Man has been telling you all about this dude for quite some time, especially after I procured a copy of his now platinum "Get Lifted" in October. He's a seasoned vet when it comes to performing and it showed. He's been on his grind in the northeast for a few years now trying to get noticed and it shows as he confidently moved the crowd performing his entire album, songs from independently released albums and his parts of guest appearances. As expected the entire crowd was with him on each word of "Ordinary People" but was also there with him during "She Don't Have To Know", "I Can Change" and "Get Lifted". He managed to keep the energy high even during slower songs and maintain the crowd's interest. Folks also appreciated that his father was present just one day before fathers day.

Saturday gets a rating of PIFF! There really was nothing to complain about here (well, maybe I could complain about not having a team to maximize on bunny possibilities but that would just be nitpicking, especially since The Small Wonder was there for an assist!!) seeing as the weather was perfect, the venue was great, the entertainment held up their end of the bargain and there were bountiful bunnies!!!!! I'm trying to get to Cassandra Wilson this week to get on an older bunny with a strong 401(k)!!

Sunday, I saw Batman Begins in IMAX. Do yourselves a favor and run do not walk to see this movie!!

Happy Solstice!!!!

Memories Don't Live Like People Do . . .

. . . they'll always remember you.
Whether things are good or bad,
you've got your memories . . ."
-The Mighty Mos Def 'Travellin' Man'

Okay, so King Slick and I were reminiscing about actions past and their relations to current events* the other night and it's led me to think of a few things:

Number One: I always say that you should not regret past actions and I say this for a few reasons. First of all, there is NOTHING you can do to change those actions, they've happened and it's over. My mother always told me that "You can make ANY decision that you want, but you can NOT choose whether or not you will accept the consequences of that decision." The best you can do after having made a decision and having acted on it is deal. I also feel that for the most part, decisions were based on who we were when we made that decision. Of course we mature and change and grow etc. but you did what you did with what you had, no more and no less.

Number Two: Most older people that I know have told me at one point or another that I should do any and every thing. They always add some form of "When you get my age you spend more time worry and thinking about the things that you didn't do." Is this just a license to act a fool while you are young? Is this why you can see older black men walking around in the summer wearing shorts and socks pulled up to their knees and misusing current slang? I give these guys a pass just because. I figured that they have earned it. Old black men everywhere, please take note that I am not talking greasy about you for wearing flamingo print shorts and a Fubu Jersey (although that is some silly shit!!!)!!

Number Three: Do people, at their base, really change?? That great Negro poet Shawn Carter once opined "You can change, but that's just the top layer/ Man you was who you was 'for you got here . . .". I know all of the cliches of leopards not changing their stripes and all but we all know someone that use to be a degenerate and is now "into the church". With all of the experiences that we have in life, do we really remain the same person?? Personally, I think that at the least, our perspective changes. Chuck D once opined that we should re-read our book collection every 5 years because our perspective has changed. This is valid for all media. If you take the movie Mo' Betta Blues. I really didn't understand this movie when it debuted in 1990. I got all of the major points and themes but I couldn't feel it. NOW!!! OH GOD! There are days that I think that I may call my forthcoming autobiography "The Halcyon Days of Yore: My Life As Bleek Gilliam".

All of this (and watching High Fidelity the other night) when added to my need to know stuff (I'm horrible sometimes, scratch that MOST times, I just NEED to know) led me to start thinking that maybe I need to start conducting exit interviews with dates, jumpoffs and girlfriends (King Slick I see you, I know that you're dying to create this, walk with me!!!). Why is this beneficial you may ask, well I guess we could start with closure. I've been told that my "deal with the here and now and if you ain't here I don't care" policy may not be the healthiest policy to have, so here is a way to remedy that. I can ask questions like:

At what point did you know it was over?
At what point where you over it?
Can I still beat? Are you sure?
Under what circumstances could I beat?
When did my still beat privileges run out? Are you sure?
What did you *really* like about us? About me?
What did you *really* hate about us? Me?
What do you tell the guys you're with now about me?
What, if anything, did you learn about yourself because of me?
Would you say that I had an overall positive or negative effect on your life? How positive or negative?
How would you rate dates and other activities?
If you had to rate me from 1-5 with one being Cheap-Ass and 5 being Ballers Baller, how would you rate me?
Does anyone work the twos half** as good as I do?
Can I beat any of your friends?
If I was actively trying to beat one of your friends, would you help, or hate?

There are a ton of other questions that I have but putting them all here could potentially corrupt results. Major companies do this all the time, why shouldn't I? There is major cost benefit analysis to be done here. I can also benefit by using this data to refine future recruitment and retention efforts!! Now usually I just take some time, a hiatus if you may, and consider these things but it's now the 21st century and I gotta get with the times. Who's with me to move this movement???

*(didn't I just make talking about bunnies that we did or didn't smash off sound all poetic and intellectual??)

**(let's be real, I am sure that the answer is no, but I can't be totally vain here now can I?)

Welcome to 1985?!?!?!

This was probably a GREAT money saving idea 15 years ago!

I'M GONNA GET ME A KATELYN!!!!

http://www.lovingday.org/holiday.htm*







*not really**



**Not That There's Anything Wrong With That (hereforth nttawwt)***


***F You if you have no sense of humor!

On the real though . . .

. . . When you see me in the streets, the drinks are on you. MORE FREE ISH!!!

I Want To Be As Free As The Spirits As Those Who Left . .

a.k.a The Common Concert Review.
Yeah, I'm a little late, but so what. A good time was DEFINITELY had by all. The show was at SOBs in lower Manhattan which over the past 5 years has become the premier spot for hip hop shows. This has happened not because it's a great venue - it's not, there are horrible sight lines, standing room only and getting a decent drink is like playing dice - mostly due to the unwillingness of other venues to book hip hop acts, or poor sound quality (I see you B.B. Kings) of the venue. For the most part, one really can't argue with shows at SOBS because the price is usually right for such an intimate (small) venue.

The opening act hit the stage at about 9. I can't remember son's name but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I almost feel sorry for opening acts in most cases because the crowd usually couldn't care any less that they are on stage. This cat wasn't bad (per se) he just wasn't all that memorable. He did try and had decent material that I am sure I would have enjoyed more had I been somewhat familiar with it. That last comment is minus that God-Awful Reggaeton (I know that's redundant) song that he performed with the help of his moreso unmemorable Dominican friend that appeared from the audience. Just as a quick aside, who is really listening to Reggaeton aside from 16 year old Puerto Rican girls in the Bronx?? I mean really, what entertainment or other value does this stuff have?? Is this really piff and I'm just missing out?? Someone please enlighten me!!!


Shortly after ol' boy was done with his set the man we all came to see hit the stage! Common (dressed "normally" - sweater, shirt and tie with jeans) came out with his drummer (Kareem Riggins who we'll all be hearing ALOT more about in the coming years, this cat has already produced some SERIOUS heat! See: Slum Village, Dwele and anyone else out of Detroit in the last few years that matter), Keyboardist (Omar, as seen on the road with The Roots), and DJ (Brooklyn's own DJ Dummy) and jumped right into the intro, "Be" from the album of the same title. The crowd was AMPED to say the absolute least. It's the mark of a true performer that can get the crowd excited with new material (you could argue that he did not do that in this case since I am sure most of the crowd had the bootleg of this album for a few months now). The baseline from the intro could make a quadriplegic get up and move, as could most of the beats from this album. Kanye did his homeboy good, real good!!!


For a guy that comes across so laid back, Common kept the energy on HIGH! The energy levels increased once special uninvited guest Mos Def and Talib Kweli hit the stage. The crowd erupted at what has been an extremely rare performance of one of my favorite songs, 'Respiration', from the Mos Def and Talib Kweli Are Blackstar album. The crowd mouthed every word of Kweli's solo banger 'Get By' and sang along with Mos Def during 'Umi Says'. Common then went into freestyle, then more cuts from Be including an appearance by Umar Bin Hassan of The Last Poets during 'The Corner'. The crowd didn't get as much of a taste of the older material as it wanted but he did make one young lady's night when he asked her to join him on stage for Come Close. He bought the show to an end with The Light (accompanied by ol' Dead Eye himself, Musiq) only to be bought back out for an encore that included his verse from De La Soul's 'The Business', 'Ressurection' and 'It's Your World'.


Overall, the night was A-Plus. I kicked it with the Cambodian Kufi Slapper and the drinks were right. The sound man did not need to be Lord Jamar-ed and the melanin-less members of the crowd (atleast the ones near me) decided to act right for the night.


Epilogue: In my humble opinion, the albums that Mos Def and Talib Kweli put out last year could have been released as a double CD called Contractual Obligation. I was not the only person to feel that these were less than the best effort but these artist. The Small Wonder was in attendance at this event and had ALOT to say about Mos Def!! After the show, I was fellowshipping with The Cambodian Kufi Slapper and the Small Wonder and The Small Wonder let it be known that she was not as impressed with Mos Def's attendance as most of the crowd was. At one point I recall hearing her say that she was about to be made the first non Harlem member of Dip Set based on how she was going to smack the fitted off of Mos Def's head. I was a little worried that things would get out of hand when Mos Def walked over and asked The Small Wonder if she had a light. She turned, looked deeply into Mos Def's eyes and sheepishly replied "No, I don't. Sorry." and giggled. Anti-climatic?? I know, it was worse in person.*


*This was all true give or take a lie or two.