Sunday morning rain is falling . . .

. . . Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you

From Sunday Morning, Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to bring you the events of this past Sunday afternoon, where in the immortal words of Dante, "I'm not even suppose to be here today!!" We find our Champ at his employer, looking over some photos. The Champ was not scheduled to be in the office this weekend, but was called in due to his photo expertise. The entire experience should have taken 30 minutes. Of course, getting out of the office was not this simple. It never is.

A client calls and has a request of someone that is on vacation, so I call the person that I believe to be handling his workload in his absence and the conversation proceeds as follows:


Me: Hi, this is The Champ from the New York office, are you handling "dude's" caseload while he's on vacation?

Drunken Co-Worker: Who's this?

Me: The Champ, from the New York Office.

DCW: Who?

Me: The Champ . . .

DCW: (slurring words) I'm just kidding Champ, I know who you are. That's just my sense of humor. We have to have one with what we do or else we'd all want to kill someone. What's going on?

Me: Well, *insert client's name" called for "vacationer" and I really don't know how to answer his questions.

DCW: Oh, tell him he can't have shit until Friday.

Me: HUH???

DCW: No! He can have it whenever, we'll turn that shit around as soon as we get it. That's how we do, we'll get that shit and just knock it the fuck out.

Me: Yeah, I'll tell him that . . . or something.

DCW: Champ, What's your background?

Me: Excuse me?

DCW: What's your background?

Me: I'm not exactly sure what you are asking here.

DCW: Like me, I'm half black and half Filipino and we both talk really properly so when I go somewhere and meet someone that I've been talking to on the phone they are so fucking shocked. Does that happen to you?

Me: Uh, it has.

DCW: Really, like when?

Me: Ummm, I'm gonna call The Client back and let him know that we can handle his request.

DCW: Cool, now tell me about someone thinking you were something other than you are, you never answered my question.

Me: I'm Black (insert Styles P song here)

DCW: GOOD!! It's good to have more coloreds around. See, we both talk really properly and professionally and people think they are going to see something else when they meet us and are like, Oh??!?!

Me: (*Record skip* Did she just refer to me as colored? Although she herself is "colored" and at this point VERY obviously, SUPER drunk, I gave her a pass for the moment) Uh, it's happened once or twice (Actually, I kinda enjoy people thinking that they are talking to some random white guy, then having me show up at their offices, but I really wasn't trying to have that discussion with her.)

DCW: See I knew it. It happens to me all the time, even within the company. Why don't you have a picture up on *name of internal database with employee pictures*?

Me: No reason.

DCW: Hold on one minute. "FUCK YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH, FUCK YOU. WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE GOING!!!!!!!'Sorry, I'm driving and some asshole almost caused an accident.

Me: You're driving?

DCW: Yeah.

Me: Oh, I better let you go and make that call.

DCW: When are we going to hang out?

Me: HUH?!?!?!?!?

DCW: We so have to hang out. Are they sending you down here anytime soon?

Me: Not sure, I heard something about it but nothing solid.

DCW: I am trying to get up there some time soon, I have to train *vacationer* some more. You have to take me out to some places. I never get to party when I am in New York.

Me: Uh, I really don't get out too much these days.

DCW: That's gonna change when I get there, we've GOT to hang out. Excuse me "STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE"!!!! Sorry, these guys can't drive.

Me: I'm gonna make this call and let you concentrate on driving. Get home safely . . . Please!!!



Someone please tell me what the fuck was that?? I know that it was Sunday and it's not necessary to be super formal with co-workers at all times, but that shit was extra. I also didn't want to be an accomplice or witness to an accident if she hit someone. I'd be willing to wager that her blood type was Belvedere while she was talking to me, which isn't a bad thing per se, but has its place and time. While I'm in the office on a Sunday that I was not originally on call was neither the place nor the time.


I know that alcohol lowers the inhibitions and all, but shit, couldn't she have picked a better time to try to get all up-close and personal with The Champ? Aside from being a Human Resources/Civil Rghts nightmare, this call bought a number of questions to mind. Is she one of those touchy feely people that think they have to be friends with everyone? Is she a close talker? Did I just hit the drunk dial lottery? Can I beat when she's in town? When I'm in her town? Do I want to beat? Is she just a habitual line stepper? Can I beat when she's in town? What part of the game is this??


I've got to get a new job.