What A Weekend

No, I didn't get rich or finally impregnate Oprah or triz Venus and Serena Williams or get to lay my mack down on CeCe Winanas. But it was one for the books anyway!! From the top:

I have an uncle that once said to me (in his own drunken way) that "The problem with women is that they have all the fuckin' pussy!". Some of you have heard me echo this sentiment in jest, but recently, this statement has taken a WHOLE new meaning in my life. Friday morning I figured that I'd take advantage of my afternoon start at work and the beautiful weather and go a little shopping in SoHo. Friday was a BEAUTIFUL day, about 75 degrees and sunny. Tons of folks got paid and were out burning money or just enjoying life in this lovely city of ours. My affinity for women in skirts/ (sun) dresses is well documented. My own mother once opined that I could never be a secret service agent. Not because I could be bribed or would be easily murdered by some mercenary sociopath, but because I could be killed by a woman in a short skirt that wanted to feed me rat poison laced chocolate chip cookies. To that I say . . . The woman knew me better than I know myself sometimes. It's a sad state of affairs, but probably true. But back to the matter at hand, I was in front of Yellow Rat Bastard and saw this absolute GODDESS! She was about 5'10", 36DD-26-40 (YES!!!!!!! I'm talking TOTAL coke bottle figure, the one liter size that I like), cocoa brown and had dark brown, poofy Kelis-like hair that I've been infatuated with for so long. She was wearing one of those dashiki-like shirts (and it was orange too, y’all know how I feel about orange) and an orange skirt that went just past her knees. She had pretty calves accentuated by the wedge heeled star sandals that she was wearing. She pretty much was what I would construct if I had to create a woman from scratch. I saw her in Best Buy but was trying to be cool and didn't make a move. I figured that she was doing the same thing that I was doing and that I would see her outside somewhere. Surely enough I did and could hear "Prototype" (Raheem's version, NOT the original) being sang by angels holding harps as the light bent around her to further accentuate her glow. As I racked my brain for some good bullshit to spit, the record skipped and this stereotypically butch dyke stepped in my path and alerted me to the fact that "SHE WIT SOMEBODY!". Huh?? What part of the game is this?? I mean, I have no issues with "alternative lifestyles" until their bad breath is in my face all but threatening me. I'm sure aside from my RECKLESS eyeballing of what I did not know to be her girlfriend, I was offending "Ellen" by looking at her as if she just stepped off of a space ship. I mean, she has to understand that her girl is fine! She needs to be upset if no one is looking. "Ellen" was about 5"'8" and a good 250 pounds. Probably could have been a linebacker in a different life. Aside from a tic-tac IV, she could have used some grease on them cornrows. Taking my awe struck silence for intimidation, "Ellen" went on about how "she wouldn't let niggas disrespect her and hers . . ." and that "I wouldn't have done no shit like that to a nigga . . .". At this point, I snapped out of it pointing out to "Ellen" that I didn't even SEE her. She never registered to me. She begged to differ stating that I had to have seen her in Best Buy. Nah! My attention was elsewhere. I also had to remind her that contrary to what she would like to believe, that she was still a female and that I was a male with quite the size advantage and that if she wanted to handle this like she thought men would, that I'd oblige her. Her girlfriend, who had been protesting for "Ellen" to stop her madness (all while checking out The Boy), pulled her away. This dude at the hot dog stand chimed in that he wished that I had "slapped the shit out that bitch" adding that "dem dyke bitches wanna act like men, they need to be treated like men once or twice to show them that they ain't". He went on, but I'll leave that out. Apparently, he's been in this situation and was not the physically larger person. That or he just outright got his bunny taken.

Let’s fast forward to Saturday morning after a VERY long work day. As stated in this space I actually wanted to venture out to Brooklyn but politics and bullshit (more like poor planning on the part of the organizers) quashed that. I was just about to be content sitting in the crib watching movies, or maybe going to the movies when the phone rang. It was The Small Wonder who had planned all along to go to summer stage to see John Legend. She was miffed that she had gotten to the park later than she had initially planned because as expected, the line was ridiculous. My answer for this was for her to hike up her skirt, knot her shirt in the back and bat her eyes to which she replied "at who, there's nothing but women out here!". WORD!!!! I'm gonna hop in the shower and I'll be there to show you how to do this!!! Fast forward an hour. She NEVER lied. The female to male ratio had to be atleast 6:1. There were short bunnies, there were tall bunnies. There were big bunnies, there were small bunnies. If you like bunnies, there were PLENTY there for you!! That had to be somewhat what heaven must be. Good music and LOTS of women. I almost feel badly for the idiots that came with their girlfriends or on dates (not that I haven't been in this situation before) because there is not a man on the planet (that likes women) that has the discipline to have NOT had his neck on a constant swivel. I am sure that there were a number of hetero women looking around and saying "damn she fine" at some of the women there. The Small Wonder had procured entry by the time that I had arrived, not that it stopped me from discreetly (as discreetly as someone my size wearing an orange shirt could have been) skipping the line and making my way into the concert. I walked up on The Small Wonder giving her account of what happened on the night of the Common concert with Mos Def and let’s just say that our stories varied. In this version of the story, she had gotten her 15 dollars and Mos Def went home sans fitted cap that is probably in orbit.

ANYWAY I guess I should talk about the music since that was suppose to be the point here right? Well, it was a damn good show as expected. Female DJ Reborn kept the crown entertained with a great mix of songs before a new Columbia Records recording artist named Meleni (pronounced Melanie) opened the afternoon with a short set. She lefts lots to be desired as she went from a gully song about getting down in the bathroom and blowing trees to a song about meeting God to a happy go lucky tale about life that apparently appeared on the "Hitch" soundtrack. Her band was good. Next Up was Lyfe Jennings whose current claim to fame is his 5 week winning streak on Showtime at the Apollo. His debut cd, LYFE 268-192, is well worth checking out and he brought a great charisma nad energy to the stage. The crowd was unsurprisingly into his performance and sang "Stick Up Kid" and "Must Be Nice" word for word. Check for this cat on tour this summer with John Legend, Common and De La Soul. Next up was the man that bought us all out, John Legend.

Now the Fat Man has been telling you all about this dude for quite some time, especially after I procured a copy of his now platinum "Get Lifted" in October. He's a seasoned vet when it comes to performing and it showed. He's been on his grind in the northeast for a few years now trying to get noticed and it shows as he confidently moved the crowd performing his entire album, songs from independently released albums and his parts of guest appearances. As expected the entire crowd was with him on each word of "Ordinary People" but was also there with him during "She Don't Have To Know", "I Can Change" and "Get Lifted". He managed to keep the energy high even during slower songs and maintain the crowd's interest. Folks also appreciated that his father was present just one day before fathers day.

Saturday gets a rating of PIFF! There really was nothing to complain about here (well, maybe I could complain about not having a team to maximize on bunny possibilities but that would just be nitpicking, especially since The Small Wonder was there for an assist!!) seeing as the weather was perfect, the venue was great, the entertainment held up their end of the bargain and there were bountiful bunnies!!!!! I'm trying to get to Cassandra Wilson this week to get on an older bunny with a strong 401(k)!!

Sunday, I saw Batman Begins in IMAX. Do yourselves a favor and run do not walk to see this movie!!

Happy Solstice!!!!