Now Twist, and Curl

and do the jheri curl

-Keenan Ivory Wayans as Jheri Curl in the classic film "Hollywood Shuffle"

I know it's been a while since y'all heard from me like this fam, but The Champ has been on a few adventures and is in the process of properly chronicling them. The updates will be much more frequent in the coming weeks, I promise. In the meantime, I plan on telling a story today that not many of you have ever heard. There is an underlying purpose to this. One of out fellow piff purveyors is going through it right now and I think that she will benefit from this story. I hope that you all will. Gather 'round.

The year, 1995. The place, Philadelphia, PA. Temple University to be exact, the spring semester of my sophomore year. Spring had not quite sprung yet and the unforgiving Philadelphia winter was still in effect. Around this time, the one known as Sugar had her sights locked onto King Slick like none other before and few others after her. Me, I was not quite The Champ yet, but had shown flashes of the greatness to come. Think of it as an early Magic Johnson, just trying to fit in with the Lakers. Playing out of position for the good of the team, not trying to step on Norm Nixon's toes, but doing all he could to be apart of the greatness. Those early experiences helped Magic find and define himself and molded the great player that he is now known to be. Think of Tony Gwynn, who "only" hit .289 in his rookie year, or Mark Messier who only scored only 23 goals his second year in the NHL while playing in the shadow of the Immortal Wayne Gretzky. These players are known as 3 of the greatest ever in their respective games, as I hope to be once my T-Shirt is raised into the rafters.

These players all overcame adversity in their beginnings before attaining the greatness that we recognize today. Gwynn was an over eager, free swinging rookie that had little protection in the line up. He revolutionized the sport by becoming one of the first athletes to take advantage of video technology by recording each at-bat and reviewing the tape, making notes of pitchers' tendencies while studying his own mechanics. Messier played in the shadow of one of the greatest athletes of our time and battled a rash of injuries while adapting to the speed of the NHL game before getting healthy and confident enough to achieve greatness in his own right. Magic played behind Norm Nixon and often out of position before a new coach, an assistant by the name of Pat Reilly, handed him the reigns and the keys to the franchise. When history looks back at the life and times of The Champ, there will be many struggles overcome to evaluate. While some struggles hold greater significance on the scales of life and death, few are as important as me having my bunny taken by a dude with a jheri curl.

You read that correctly. In 1995, a younger version of The Champ had his bunny taken from him by a dude that was sporting a jheri curl. Not 1985 (when a pre-pubescent version of The Champ use to wholly CLOWN those with jheri curls. Eddie Murphy and Robin Harris both owe me royalty money) when a curl would have been socially acceptable, but 1995 when Bad Boy ruled the radio and no one knew or cared if the President was getting head from his intern. By most reasonable time frames, the day of the jhrei curl had ended in 1990. Even our west coast brethren had managed to abandon the curl by 1993. This dude obviously had not gotten the memo and maintained the drip well into the middle of the decade. Greasy Rick, as we referred to him for the aforementioned reasons, was a co-worker of the one called Sugar. Sugar had another co-worker, one that saw a picture of The Champ one day and inquired as to what was really, really good, we'll call her Mary Beth.

Mary Beth was older than me, not Blanche or Dorothy older, but not college aged either. See, back then, I kinda had a fetish for that. In the summer of '94 I managed one of the greater pulls of The Champ's history in successfully macking The Queen from Queens. The Queen was 5 years older than I and worked full time where I worked for the summer. A little mutual attraction and good timing led to a GOOD summer. It was my interaction with her that would spawn the then catchphrase "I'm 19 and have a strong back!". That unfortunately ended shortly after I returned to school for the fall when the dude that use to be her boyfriend came back packing hardware (not the first time that happened to me that year) that I could not, nor had any intention on equaling. The Champ was a little more than a little bothered by that and decided to take a little break from the fairer sex for a while. The 18 months preceding this decision had been quite the emotional roller coaster and I figured that a break would do the mind and body some good. It did lots of good as I was able to hash some things out and outright deal with others. Then Mary Beth came along.

While far from a mud duck, she wasn't the most flavory bunny in The Champ's history. There was just something about her that I really dug. She was real cool, and really funny. Those 2 things have always gone over REALLY well with me. She could also sing her ass off. In particular, I would damn near melt when she sang Anita Baker's "Sweet Love" or "You Bring Me Joy" and she knew that. I'd come in from class to find that I had 10 messages on my answering machine because she had sang as long as each message would allow, then call back picking up where she left off. Dare I say, that this took a little edge off of The Champ. There weren't any picnics in the park or long walks on the beach, but there were late night trips to her apartment and some of the finest cheesesteaks from some of the grimiest places North Philly had to offer. Looking back, although I had only got picked off trying to slide into third, I didn't think that I could be much happier. Because all things end badly (otherwise they wouldn't end), it was only a matter time before the bliss would halt. Mary Beth and Greasy Rick apparently had a past and would also have a future. Yep, Greasy Rick came back on the scene spittin' that lovely (or pathetic, depending on your point of view) game and Mary Beth ate it up. King Slick has his own version of this story that he likes to tell, but it ends the same way. Greasy Rick - 1 Bunny, The Champ - 0 Bunnies. No matter what way you slice it, a dude, with a jherri curl in 1995, that wore Payless sneakers and a size smedium leather jacket (when he OBVIOUSLY needed an extra large) and stained t-shirts, took a bunny from the likes of me, period.

If you are wondering why I hold onto this story so, it's simple. To be truly great, one has to prove that they can survive and even thrive after dealing with adversity. It's difficult to come up with the words that can adequately describe the trauma involved in getting your bunny taken by a dude with a jheri curl (in the mid 90's). This experience turned my world upside down. All that I thought I knew, was irrelevant. Right was wrong and left was right in my world. I recall going to the Jedi Council from whom I imparted a great deal of knowledge to make sense of it all and not totally understanding the wisdom that The Council has passed down. The Council had always been no holds barred and told me that you just can't win them all. It was at this time that The Council explained, that there are things that dudes with jheri curls (and that are just outright ugly) will do to keep a woman that is out of their league and because of this will to succeed at any cost, that dudes like me just could not compete. The Council advised that I use this knowledge, and press on in my journey, but I couldn't. I pretty much laid low for the rest of the semester and a bit into the summer. The utter shock just did not wear off for quite some time. This experience did make me stronger. Wedding bells didn't exactly ring for The Queen and she thought that since I would be home for the summer, I would jump at the chance to be her cuddle bitch (a slang editorial explaining the true meaning of this term is on it's way, but for now, think: emotional tampon). I am not sure whether it was because the jheri curl experience had hardened me or because I had greater confidence knowing that I could mack older bunnies in many states, but I made it plain, that I would not be the cuddle itch that or any other summer. This bravado led to one more GOOD summer in the city.

I'll wrap up here so that we do not lose sight of what's important and that is this: Even the best cats, go through adverse situations. Some would say that in order tobe considered great, you must overcome some forms of confidence shaking adversity. Our character is a reflection of how we handle those situations. It's healthy to vent and to a lesser degree wallow in your emotional state, but at some point, you have to examine the situation, make peace with it and continue living life. As much as we would like, the world does not stop or wait for us while we are down, which is why we have to get back up, and get back on our game. All of the things that made you great and led you to your traumatic event are still there, you have to trust in those things and let the hurt go. That is, unless you got your bunny taken by a dude with a jheri curl in the mid 90's, then it is totally understandable if you have some issues to deal with for a little while longer.

Princess, hold your head baby, it's all good!!!!

. . . . And taste the behavior

The way you been kicking it while the Humpster was lamping

Fishing and camping, out renting boats in the Hamptons

Eating good working out and giving charity

Working on my vocal cord clarity

Hell no, I can't front, I been at the crib G-in'

Slapping poontang trying to be the mack pappy

40-dog and pina colada peeing

Making my rounds to keep the Humpty girls happy . . . .

Digital Underground - The Return Of The Crazy One

Music Video Code by MySpace Video Code

There's a War Going On Outside No Man Is Safe From . . .

There's a War Going On Outside No Man Is Safe From . . .


Entropro-Negroes. Let's get a few things clear, no one respects the grind more than I do. I live the grind. I am the hustle. There are few people on the planet that embody MCF* more than I do. But since I do what I can to educate you all, I have to put you up on the new hustle that has hit the streets. Peep game:

I'm leaving work** last week when this cat approaches me asking if I played football in Queens. I look at him like he's super stupid and tell him no as I keep it moving. Son comes back with "You sure, I know I know you from somewhere." My bullshit sensor goes into hyper mode as he comes in slowly with the pitch "Well let me ask you this, what do you do now?", "Does it really matter" I reply, still walking toward the train station. He comes back with "Well, I just want to give you the opportunity to put yourself in a better financial situation"; "How benevolent of you." I reply while still walking. Persistently, he quips "Well, let me ask you this, do you shop on the Internet?", "Doesn't everyone?" I say wondering what I did to be subjected to this. "Well, the difference between me and you is that I get paid for it and you don't." Once again, looking at him like he's super stupid I stop and say "That's presumptuous of you, you really don't know anything about me." Well brother, (at this point my bullshit sensor is ringing like church bells at noon) I run my own business where I am paid for everyday use of the Internet. You have a computer at home right? Well, through my business, you too can be paid for things that you probably already do. How does that sound to you?" "Sounds alot like getting something for nothing which is eerily close to a scam to me, but hey, I've been called negative in the past." Haha, I assure you that everything I do is legal and beneficial to you, let me get your information and I will call you and we can discuss how I can put you in the same position that I am in." Still walking, I reply "Nah dude, I'm good on that, you got a card that I can throw away by the time I get to the train platform?" He comes back with "What's the number one element that will make any business successful?" to which I reply "Why don't you tell me?". "Trust, How can we have a successful partnership without trust?" he says. Indignantly I reply "Dude, number one, Momma always said don't trust shit and cut the cards twice, and 2 *WE* don't have anything but you following me trying to harass me into a pyramid scheme. I would like to say that I am sorry that you got caught up in it, but you seem to believe this bullshit or else you wouldn't have followed me for a block. I know cats that sell weed that aren't on this much of a grind. Here's a hint dude, when someone shows as little interest as I have, keep it moving. Go find a sucker that cares. In that little seminar that you paid for, when they were teaching you the merits of persistence, they should have taught you the number one rule of sales. When you are at a dead end, turn around and go the other way. Now, with all of that being said, if you follow me onto the train, we are going to have a real problem.".

Once again, I am all for getting extra money and non-traditional ways of getting extra/any income, but harassment is a whole other issue. Playa get your money, but leave people the hell alone when they don't want to be bothered. Plus, what's really good with the new age Ponzi schemes?? People still fall for pyramid scams?? I wish this was the once in a lifetime occurrence, but peep what happened TONIGHT on the train on the way home.

I'm sitting on the train, loving my new Bose earphones minding my own business when this dude taps me on the arm and says "Yo, you looking real sharp man." I had already peeped this cat in my initial scan of the car, a habit I picked up many years ago that assist in accurately locating The Gun Man. Back before 42nd street became Disney Land and before New York was one of the safest big cities in the world, the subways were like Costco or Sam's Club to The Gun Man. In true, wild west fashion, a wielder of a semi automatic weapon (or even a busted .38 with a taped up handle if they were truly gully) could and would come onto subway cars and get everything they wanted and needed in super-sizes! I'd been on the business end of such transactions more than I am care to discuss. The number 2 and 3 lines were especially popular with residents of Foster Projects mostly because on those lines, they had 4 and a half minutes to operate while the train traveled from 96th street and Broadway to 110th street and Lenox. When they got off the train at 110th street, they would run upstairs and disappear into the projects. The Gun Man would travel in packs of 3 or more and usually had on black skully's and or ski mask. Triple Fat Goose coats and gloves were also a dead give away. Sometimes, The Gun Man was that gully (or stupid) that he would not cover his face at all. It was a much more civil city back then, people that robbed you stuck a gun in your ribs. Now they charge 7 dollars for a cup of coffee and tell you how much of a bargain your rent is in this neighborhood. That's a different story for a different day, we'll touch on that story at another time. Back to our pyramid scheme wielding herb. He was no threat, so I really didn't pay much attention to him until he forced me to wait for a "Pause" with his commentary on my attire. Call it what you want, but there are few reasons that a man will out of the blue compliment another man's attire, especially if that other man is a complete stranger. I really wasn't in the mood to be sold anything or to be hit on by a guy so I dismissed dude quickly when he started with the "What do you do, do you have a computer at home?" I quickly shut son down letting him know that I had no interest in making money by shopping on the Internet through his company. He was visibly taken aback that I knew his whole game already and tried to recover with "But, why would you not keep your options open to creating more revenue for yourself, you are much to smart to think that way." Peeved now, I decided that it's time to end this. Dude wasn't being rude or anything, but he was definitely bothering someone that did not want to be bothered and was not intelligent enough to tell, or just did not care. Look, I said full of disgust, you cats are the worst thing to hit the streets since Pre-Paid Legal. I'm all for people getting their hustle on, but for the love of God, find a less intrusive way to do such. I am sure that at the little seminar that you attended someone decided that bothering people after work was a good time to hit people up with the lure of a better way to get money, but I promise you that it is not. Also, and I could be wrong here, but no one wants to deal with pyramid schemes, no one with any intelligence that is. I tried to be nice about letting you know that you were barking up the wrong tree, but since you were so persistent, I have to take it to a level that really wasn't necessary. And by the way, your lame ass intro, complimenting other dudes' clothing comes off as real gay. Cut that out.


There's a thin line between persistence and harassment and sales people cross the line all the time. These new cats are lurking, be on the look out.


***************************************************

Another year has passed fam, so here are some thoughts on 2006:

Remember on GhostFace's Bulletproof Wallets Album when They said "Y'all better pay B.I.G momma for using his lyrics"? Well, it's my theory that Jay-Z remembers that and has never forgiven Ghost. How else can you explain the utter lack of promotion for not 1, but 2 Ghostface albums this year?? It's also cruel irony that Method Man actually made an entire album worth listening to, yet his promotional budget/team could only be found in the witness protection program. (He was also on that song) To try to dispel my theory, Jay-Z also severely under-promoted albums by The Roots and DJ Clue. I guess he's equal opportunity when it comes to promoting artist on your label much less than you promote yourself.

Carmelo Anthony barely edged out Southern Rappers to win this year's Afrocentric Kid From The Wingmen Episode of The Boondocks memorial award for being Bitch-Made.



If I were David Stern, I would have given son 20 games easy. How do you sucker punch someone after the fight is over, and then run?? If son wanted props for being hard, he would have went over to the bench and told Isiah to knuckle up. Afterall, it was Zeke that told him not to go into the paint. Sucker punching Mardy Collins and running from Jared Jefferies was ho-like to the extreme. Jason Whitlock, a writer for the Kansas City Star who also worked for ESPN in a writing and television capacity, now writes a column at AOL Sports and referred to Carmel-ho as "Yellow Anthony" and Carmelo "Namond Brice" Anthony. I don't even watch The Wire like that and thought it was a brilliant analogy. The only cats that came close were Southern Rappers led by Young Jeezy. This ass clown got all up in arms over the title of Nas' most recent Opus, Hip Hop is Dead. Without talking to Nas, or as much as hearing the album (because it makes way too much sense to get the most information possible before flying off the handle), Jeezy being the ass-clown that he is, went on the radio in a full tirade against Nas for what he perceived as disrespect toward the South. Once someone read a newspaper to this fool, and told him how Nas has been elaborating on this title that has nothing to do with the South for months, he publicly backtracked. My mother use to tell us "A guilty conscience needs no accuser". Jay-Z once said "sensitive thugs, y'all all need hugs" Someone getting that sensitive sounds real sensitively guilty to me.


Blue Collar is far and away the best album you didn't buy or download this year. Rhymefest is the consummate MC. Dope beats, dope rhymes and an incredible live show. The Kufi Slapper and I saw 'Fest open for A Tribe Called Quest in October and were both impressed with how energetic his performance was. He brings the perfect blend of lyrics, energy, crowd participation and humor to ensure that even people that are unfamiliar with his material enjoy themselves. If you don't know about Rhymefest, do yourself a favor and get familiar.

2006 will be known as the year of White Celebrities adopting African babies. The orphanages here in America that are full of black kids that need homes and speak the language weren't good enough, these folks had to go right to the source.


This was a horrible year for movies. I really can't remember a year where I was less interested in what was coming out. Aside from Inside Man, Dreamgirls, Giuliani Time, and Clerks II; I was wholly unimpressed at this year's offerings. What was suppose to be this year's Sci-Fi blockbusters, Superman and X3, turned out to be complete snoozefest and I did it to myself expecting that "Pursuit of Happyness" would be worth my time. I'll save you all my "Will Smith Is A Horrible Actor" diatribe for the moment since most of you have already heard it numerous times. We'll just say that he did noting to dispel my notion. The year ended strongly with Dreamgirls. I truly enjoyed the return of Eddie Murphy. If both he and Jennifer Hudson don't sweep the awards for their respective roles, you will all see why I refuse to give any credence to award shows. (I'm not just saying nice things about Jennifer Hudson because I could have smashed in Chicago last year, She did justice to the role that made Jennifer Holiday famous. That being said, I do admired her rack!)

I'm finally over the devastating way the New York Mets' 2006 season ended. I am sure that the gut-punch of a game 7 has contributed to my inability to write. For those of you that are unaware, the Mets lost game 7 of the NLCS in not 1 but 2 of the worst ways that any team can lose a baseball game. First, they gave up a home run to the worst non pitching hitter on the Cardinals' Roster and, 2. Their best hitter struck out *LOOKING* with the bases loaded. Needless to say I did not watch the World Series or much sports immediately after. I've had relationships end that did not hurt that much.

The "drastic" change in the political landscape won't change too much in every day life. Not immediately anyway. There has been way too much irreperable damage done in the last 6 years. I also don't think that the democratic party has a chance in hell at landing the upcoming presidency. The 2 most popular candidates have major stikes against them. This country is way too racist for Barack Obama to win more than 5 primaries (and that is being generous) and too sexist for Hilary Rodham-Clinton to do more than make some people stand up and shout. John Edwards doesn't have a chance. On the Republican side of things, Rudy Guiliani, while he should be commended for resurrecting his political life, doesn't have a chance because he does not appeal to the G.O.P strong hold. His views on homosexuality, abortion and immigration make him worse than alot of Democrats to the good old boys down in Dixie. All that being said, I'm ready to start and independent candidacy for Scott Boras. He has a full head of hair, was born in this country and can't be worse than Bush was. Considering the 7 year, 126 million dollar deal he just got for his client Barry Zito, I am convinced that this man can pull off anything. He's been an amazing agent for years, but in the span of about a month, he got the Red Sox to pony up 100 million for a Japanese pitcher that's never played an Major league game, and the Giants to give the biggest contract ever given to a pitcher that has had 3 consecutive 15-10 seasons and up until this year, has crapped the bed when the playoffs began. Why shouldn't I believe that he could not end all of our troubles with the middle east by having them give us oil, money and missiles while thinking that they are getting the better of us??



Oh yeah, the following list of things have been deemed officially lame and have been added to the Kufi List***:

Wearing Sunglasses, indoors, at night - This is some of the lamest shit ever and will be treated accordingly. If you partake in this activity, please, stop. Otherwise, your Kufi will be put into orbit.

Being over 17 and doing the Chicken Noodle Soup Dance - I've backed off of my hatred for the makers of this song since it is made by kids for kids. That being said, adults, you just look silly doing it.

Trucker Hats - Always a pet peeve of mine. Now that the fad has been dead for some time, let that lame shit go!!!!




That's it for now folks. Be safe and get ready for alot of new things round these parts come 2007!!!







*Money Come First
**Yeah, your boy is gainfully employed again, more on that later
***List of items/activities that can result in getting your Kufi slapped off your head

Liberation/Shooting From The Lip*

There is something about leaving a job that is, well, liberating. I kinda hate to even use the word liberating because in no way do I want to liken being at a job that I grew to dislike, to real world struggles and oppressive situations where people give their lives for freedom, but damn if it does not feel good to be gone!!!! I'm going to rock with the hyperbole for the moment, walk with me fam.

The Champ is officially living the life of the fabulously unemployed, atleast for a little while. It was a good run at that place for some time, but as many of you have heard me say; all things end badly, otherwise they wouldn't end. There were a good deal of positives in that situation, mostly the people. Many of the adventures that you've all read about in the last year and a half occurred while with people that I met at that outpost. I'll keep in contact with many of them so I won't use this forum to rip it to shreds, but there were also a great deal of negatives. The negatives began to outweigh the positives and thus the Champ had to get his Main Source on.

So, what will The Champ do now to pay rent? As always there is a plan, but we will get into particulars at a later time and date. Hold off on the telethon (unless you are fine with me taking your dough to the Benz dealer) for the moment, I'll holla if things change. While on hiatus, I shall concentrate on better seeking The Kwan. For those that are uninitiated, I present an operationalized definition. Dare I say, that we can all use a little more Kwan in our lives. Get yours!


***************

While I've hard a little time to think and examine all that I survey, I have some thoughts that I need to share with you all:

YouTube is officially the shit. Who needs Tivo?? Everything you can think of and more is up there. Enjoy it now while it's free. Remember I told you that about Singing Fool!!!

Is there anything more huff than that Chicken Noodle Soup bullshit? I know that it's not for me, but it further solidifies that as much as I love music, I could never work in the music industry. This "song" is officially the most Huff shit of the last 5 years. I thought that nothing would ever top Nelly in the "Shit that would make me swing on someone if I were a music exec" category, but ladies and gentlemen, we have a new winner. If you get a collect call from me from The Tombs, I saw some of the people responsible for this song in the streets and acted accordingly.

I ran across an old Kelly Price video recently and could not help laughing hysterically as I remembered how Da Grinch use to say that she was crying chocolate sauce. I can't help but see the irony in that her record sales delclined more rapidly than her weight. She went and got skinny and can't give CDs away. That's a really sad commentary on the state of contemporary R&B. Everyone doesn't have to like chocolate sauce streaming down a bunny's face, but damn, can't a chick that can carry a tune get some shine?? These current "R&B" chicks are pathetic.

I've seen the new Kelis and Beyonce videos recently and I must say, Beyonce could not be as sexy as Kelis is if Beyonce outright did porn. And when is she going to stop that whole roll around on the floor thing in her videos. That is the worst video cliche this side of Cristal.

When exactly did King magazine jump the shark?? I mean, it went from Piff to Huff in no time. One second Toccara is on the cover and the next, shit's Huff. Can it be revived or will Show put it's foot on King's neck, forcing it into a grave?

From the Ghostface, "Damn right I fuck fans" files, there are a couple of bunnies associated with my former employer that I, how shall we say, want to get to know carnally. I beleive that I shall venture forth into the great unknown in a quest to bed these buxom wenches! (That was for the person that likes to tell me how crass I am instead of clicking that little x in the upper right hand corner. I can't wait to read the email I get following this!!!)

The new TV season is upon us and while I tried to give The Wire a chance, HBO On Demand would not acquiesce. At the urging of the Brooklyn General, I tried to watch it, but HBO On Demand is my one channel not working. Could this be a sign?

Is it a good or bad thing that the UPN no longer exist? I'm going to say good thing with bad repercussions since a good show like Everybody Hates Chris is now on Sunday nights at 7:30 and I no longer get to ogle Rachel True once a week.

There doesn't seem to be much in the way of new shows that interest me. I guess I will be putting Amazon Prime to good use this fall/winter.

Who is Remy sleeping with over at Fox?? How did his show get picked up for another season???

It's just about time to trim those summer flings!!! Do we all have our Fall/winter rosters set? (If this went over your head, you may need to log off the computer for a little while. Otherwise, I will do a fall roster/slang editorial for the uninitiated in the near future.)

Speaking of which, you all do know that you can leave comments here right?

I know that there are a few weeks left to the season, but I would like to take this time to say I told you so about the Mets, Phillies, Yankees and Red Sox.

Only in Harlem would an Granny pull out a problem solver on a would be mugger. See why I can't leave???

I think that the church lady version 2.0 has officially quit me. I haven't heard from her in a good month. Is there a deacon sweeping that pew now? It's only right, I wasn't treating her right.

I'm in the process of being stalked and not in that, Heather Headley type of way. I have no history with this girl. I decided that I was never going to call her again after the one time I called and got her voicemail and it said "Option 1, if you are a liar, phony or disrespectful, hang up. Option 2, please leave me a message at the end of the beep." It took all I had not to leave her a message that said "Option 3, get over that shit ma, get over it!!!". Instead I chilled, but to make a long story short, she doesn't want me to chill. I foresee bad things here. If you call me and don't hear from me for a few days, drop by the crib and make sure I'm not strung up like ol' boy from Misery.



*Yes I jacked Mike Lupica for his title.

Hot time, Summer in the City

One of the great things about New York in the summer is the high level of energy that the entire city seems to have. See, I have this theory, that no matter how we bitch about the humidity and heat, we love the summer.We NEED summer! It's been proven that people in the Northeast suffer from Vitamin D deficiency during the winter months because we don't get enough sunlight. It's imposible to get any sunlight with the shortened days and time that we spend at work. I promise you that most of my winter days begin before the sun comes up and ends way after the sun goes down. To make up for this, I, like most New Yorkers do all that I can during the summer to be outdoors and among people. The City is great at facilitating this as they always have quite the roster of free concerts. The quality and quantity of good acts varies from year to year, but you really can't complain about free shit, right?

Peep game: Last night Anthony Hamilton and Angie Stone were at Wingate Field in Brooklyn and I decided that even though it was in Brooklyn, I'd make it happen. I was hesitant to go, not only because of the length of the train ride getting back home, but becuase The Brooklyn General informed me that the line to get into this park is notoriously slow. Most of you are wondering why I even considered the length of the line since I usually cut the line as if NOONE were there. Well, I am trying to be more considerate of the poor suckers that wait for hours, it just didn't happen last night. The concert was good as expected. Angie Stone should really get fashion foward and leave the shawls alone, especially on summer nights (pause). I managed not to get capped, or even threatened with such (as per my last weeknight foray), but had another eventfully odd experience.

I was leaving the park and ended up next to this little girl and her mother. The little girl said hi to me and started holding my hand as we were walking toward the street while her mother seemed not to care. I just thought that the little girl could not see me in the dark and thought I was someone that she knew. We got outside where they had these massive spotlights up (to prevent someone from getting got, this was still in Brooklyn after all) where she could see me clearly yet she kept holding my hand and talking to me. As she and her mother began walking one way, I started to veer the other way toward the subway and let her hand go and she started crying something fierce. I mean, that long slobber on the chin crying mouth wide open crying. Her mother tried to explan that they did not know me from a can of paint and that I had already been very nice in walking with and talking to her up to that point and that I had places to go(HOME TO SLEEP).

She didn't care. This is usually the point where I say that it sucks to be her and keep it moving. This night was different, on this night my heart grew 3 sizes large (or something) and I stood there and talked to her for a little bit. She showed me her Dora t-shirt and sandals (is it me, or does Dora have ALL the little girls in the country on LOCK. This past christmas I spent more money on Dora shit for my neice than I think I feel comfortable having spent. I mean, is Dora the head of an international cult? Is this safe for little girls? Are her shorts too short? I digress) I explained to her that I had to come to the evil castle that is work, and slay the dragon that is my boss and at that point, she let me go without tears. I checked my pockets, since we were still in Brooklyn, to make sure that I didn't get got!! I didn't which means that this little girl was just trying to have her a tender moment with The Champ. I was truly touched for a moment, then I remembered, women of all ages love me, even little itty bitty ones. It's almost too bad that I had to pull out my .38 with the taped up handle (I call her Big Shirley 'cause when she come out, everybody know What's Happening) and make her run that Dora t-shirt and sandals. I mean, we were in Brooklyn afterall.


I think that I am officially in LGOTH - Summer Mode! LET'S GO!

Hump Day

So, how was my Wednesday night you asked? Oh, it was just splendid. I got some late afternoon news that should prove to be extremely beneficial to my bottom line in the near future and I was elated! The Good Mr. Roberson happened to be in town at a revamped S.O.B.s for Sol Village. Sol Village is a monthly showcase of Funk, R&B and world music artist that haven't quite hit the big time. It's really interesting to me to see alot of these acts at this point in their respective careers. Many of these artist are still very hungry and that shows in their effort on stage, even if they have not quite mastered their stage pressence just yet. I'm always interested in what a new act can bring to the table. Most of the acts that I've seen at Sol Village don't come across like they aspire to be on TRL, or 106 and Park, thus they tend to be more creative than your average R&B artist. This can be a nuisance as well.

Since I am still experiencing the hangover from that good news I got yesterday, I will say that I just don't get some of the acts, or that I am not the target audience for a lot of these folks. One way or another, it is a great way to break the monotony of the week, especially during the summer!!! If you haven't heard of Eric Roberson, I promise you that you will. You are probably familiar with at least some of his work as he has written for act ranging from 112 and Carl Thomas to Dwele and Raheem DeVaughn. Roberson is a born entertainer and it shows. I have seen few people embrace the spotlight and make the stage their home the way that he does. For an Eric Roberson tutorial, I recommend picking up his new DVD entitled: Erro Live VOL: DC. It's a great showcase of his work and life and has a cameo appearance by an Extraflavory family member!

Now that the unpaid advertisements are out of the way, I'll share with you an experience that I had last night. I was watching a certain act (more on this in a minute), enjoying the show and the vibe. As I stated above, some nights, there are a few folks on stage that are a little too far left even for me. Tonight was different. Tonight was a good mix of styles. While I did not fall in love with every act that went on the stage, I did have at least some level of appreciation for them all. I got a reminder email from The Small Wonder that Sol Village was tonight (as opposed to a Wednesday more in the middle of the month as it usually is) and thought about it for a little bit. I was a little tired, but hadn't been out in a little while and needed something to stop the week from dragging. I checked the website and saw that Carol Riddick was performing which sealed the deal for me. If you are not familiar with Carol, you need to be. Trust me when I tell you that Carol has one of the great voices of this generation and NEEDS the publicity and attention that many of her less talented and less dressed "peers" get. Her subject matter goes beyond the typical "Men Ain't Shit" mantra that floods the airwaves, but is not as sappy as Jill Scott's last offering or as preachy as India.Aire (not that I think that preachy is a bad thing, shit, MOST people NEED preaching). If you don't know about Carol, GET FAMILIAR!

This story isn't all about Carol. I arrived at the venue before my companions for the evening and found myself next to this gorgeous cocoa goddess! Because I am The Champ, I was able to strike up a conversation with this beauty that I was trying to parlay into a total "Is It Possible" moment. Things looked like they were going in that direction until some dude walks up and she introduces him as her boyfriend. It's AG, I gotta keep the darts sharp, so I don't get consumed with it. I just start scoping the room for another prospect. There are a few, but I'm me, so I move in my own time. I made eye contact a few times with this one bunny, but she was obviously handling business so I decided to be patient, see what happens later. I'm watching the show near the bar when from behind me walks this chocolate bunny that stood about 5'8" and was of mild to moderate thickness. Her breast rubbed against my entire right arm and as I turned to see who dared to invade my personal space, she said "Did I do that? Did I just rub this 34B all up your arm?". For those of you that are wondering why, and if, I of all people had a problem, I didn't, per se. Since I was still in a pretty euphoric mood and she was obviously looking for attention, I was nice about it and was like "Yup, you sure did and you should be ashamed of yourself.". I was cautious since the probability was high that she was handing out flyers or selling something. She then said to me "I guess I gotta apologize huh?" to which I replied in the affirmative. She apologized and asked if i accepted her apology which I did and then she asked if she could get a hug. I acquiesced for the hell of it, still cautious since I could not ascertain her angle. She came in for the hug and then it all made sense. Apparently she and her friends attempted to drink Manhattan dry of all of it's alcohol. She went on about how the hug felt so good and that she loves a big man; how she had been watching me all night and like the way I moved. She then said "I better stop before your wife comes in here to get me." (People still do this corny, passive aggressive horseshit?) For the sake of being able to tell this story I tell her that I do not have a wife, and she ask for another hug and says "See this is what I need at home, I need me a big strong man in my life." At this point I'm thinking to myself WHOA NEGRO; WHOA!! As my DC brethren would say, she was wellin' like shit Joe! I reach to make sure that the content of my pockets are intact and this is where the fun part happened. She then told me that she had to "twinkle" (yes, she said twinkle and not tinkle. I only report the news, not make it) and that she would be right back. She followed that with "You stay right here okay, stay right here. 'Cause if I come back, and you are not here, I'm gonna pull out my .22 and shoot you!". WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THAT???? I've smacked dudes on principle for much less ominous threats, but I let her slide. Not only because I did believe that she did have said gun in her possession or because her blood type was daiquiri, but because I was just so stunned. I was speechless, and we all know that doesn't happen very often. I might have even been turned on a bit, I'm still not sure. Actually, I'm sure. I was not turned on at all. That was some stupid shit.

Under "normal" circumstances, considering what happened earlier in the night with honey and her boyfriend, I might have thought to cut my losses and call it a night. I didn't quit for a number of reasons, mostly becasue I ain't no quitter. I also stayed because I had met the guitarist and bass player for Ab and the SoulJourners and liked the spark that these cats had. I was intrigued enough to stay around and see them, but not enough to sign up for their email list or by their cd without hearing them first. Let me say in all honesty to you all that I was impressed with these young cats. They've got a little ways to go, but hopefully for the sake of good music, they keep at it. I did end up buying their CD and sign up for the mailing list. I'd like to see these dudes give a full on performance.

In between checking for these cats and pollyin' with The Small Wonder, I saw that honey that I made eye contact with earlier in the night, and to not blow any spots, lets just says that she was in more of a mood to fraternize. I didn't jump right in because I'm cool like that, but I kept myself aware of where she was. The Small Wonder, ever ready to assist, opined "I think she was checking you out." to which I coyly replied, "I think she was too, and I'm about to eliminate the doubt!!!". I'm not sure how this part of the story ends just yet, but I will surely keep you posted.

So for those of you keeping score, that's 1 hell of a opportunity to get my cake up, 1 heartbreaking defeat, 1 bonafied psycho and 1 to be continued. It was probably the most exciting Wednesday I've had in a while. There was a great deal wrong with that previous statement and beleive you me I'm working on it. If things pan out the way I'd like, and you think see me on the streets and it looks like Da Grinch is holding a mirror while I check my goatee and eyebrows, you do see me, and I am getting my Morris Day on something fierce!

Think of it as Stuntin' Redefined!

Sunday morning rain is falling . . .

. . . Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday it would bring me back to you

From Sunday Morning, Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog to bring you the events of this past Sunday afternoon, where in the immortal words of Dante, "I'm not even suppose to be here today!!" We find our Champ at his employer, looking over some photos. The Champ was not scheduled to be in the office this weekend, but was called in due to his photo expertise. The entire experience should have taken 30 minutes. Of course, getting out of the office was not this simple. It never is.

A client calls and has a request of someone that is on vacation, so I call the person that I believe to be handling his workload in his absence and the conversation proceeds as follows:


Me: Hi, this is The Champ from the New York office, are you handling "dude's" caseload while he's on vacation?

Drunken Co-Worker: Who's this?

Me: The Champ, from the New York Office.

DCW: Who?

Me: The Champ . . .

DCW: (slurring words) I'm just kidding Champ, I know who you are. That's just my sense of humor. We have to have one with what we do or else we'd all want to kill someone. What's going on?

Me: Well, *insert client's name" called for "vacationer" and I really don't know how to answer his questions.

DCW: Oh, tell him he can't have shit until Friday.

Me: HUH???

DCW: No! He can have it whenever, we'll turn that shit around as soon as we get it. That's how we do, we'll get that shit and just knock it the fuck out.

Me: Yeah, I'll tell him that . . . or something.

DCW: Champ, What's your background?

Me: Excuse me?

DCW: What's your background?

Me: I'm not exactly sure what you are asking here.

DCW: Like me, I'm half black and half Filipino and we both talk really properly so when I go somewhere and meet someone that I've been talking to on the phone they are so fucking shocked. Does that happen to you?

Me: Uh, it has.

DCW: Really, like when?

Me: Ummm, I'm gonna call The Client back and let him know that we can handle his request.

DCW: Cool, now tell me about someone thinking you were something other than you are, you never answered my question.

Me: I'm Black (insert Styles P song here)

DCW: GOOD!! It's good to have more coloreds around. See, we both talk really properly and professionally and people think they are going to see something else when they meet us and are like, Oh??!?!

Me: (*Record skip* Did she just refer to me as colored? Although she herself is "colored" and at this point VERY obviously, SUPER drunk, I gave her a pass for the moment) Uh, it's happened once or twice (Actually, I kinda enjoy people thinking that they are talking to some random white guy, then having me show up at their offices, but I really wasn't trying to have that discussion with her.)

DCW: See I knew it. It happens to me all the time, even within the company. Why don't you have a picture up on *name of internal database with employee pictures*?

Me: No reason.

DCW: Hold on one minute. "FUCK YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH, FUCK YOU. WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE GOING!!!!!!!'Sorry, I'm driving and some asshole almost caused an accident.

Me: You're driving?

DCW: Yeah.

Me: Oh, I better let you go and make that call.

DCW: When are we going to hang out?

Me: HUH?!?!?!?!?

DCW: We so have to hang out. Are they sending you down here anytime soon?

Me: Not sure, I heard something about it but nothing solid.

DCW: I am trying to get up there some time soon, I have to train *vacationer* some more. You have to take me out to some places. I never get to party when I am in New York.

Me: Uh, I really don't get out too much these days.

DCW: That's gonna change when I get there, we've GOT to hang out. Excuse me "STAY IN YOUR FUCKING LANE"!!!! Sorry, these guys can't drive.

Me: I'm gonna make this call and let you concentrate on driving. Get home safely . . . Please!!!



Someone please tell me what the fuck was that?? I know that it was Sunday and it's not necessary to be super formal with co-workers at all times, but that shit was extra. I also didn't want to be an accomplice or witness to an accident if she hit someone. I'd be willing to wager that her blood type was Belvedere while she was talking to me, which isn't a bad thing per se, but has its place and time. While I'm in the office on a Sunday that I was not originally on call was neither the place nor the time.


I know that alcohol lowers the inhibitions and all, but shit, couldn't she have picked a better time to try to get all up-close and personal with The Champ? Aside from being a Human Resources/Civil Rghts nightmare, this call bought a number of questions to mind. Is she one of those touchy feely people that think they have to be friends with everyone? Is she a close talker? Did I just hit the drunk dial lottery? Can I beat when she's in town? When I'm in her town? Do I want to beat? Is she just a habitual line stepper? Can I beat when she's in town? What part of the game is this??


I've got to get a new job.

Today's Message: Never Stagnate

and pay your damn bills!!!!!

http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/415082p-350681c.html

LOS ANGELES - It's hard out here for a ... rap music mogul.Death Row Records chief Marion (Suge) Knight claims he's down to $11 in the bank and a little bling in his jewelry box while he owes $137.4 million in debts, according to bankruptcy court papers obtained by the Daily News.
Knight and his record company filed for Chapter 11 last month in a bid to dodge a $107 million civil judgment he was ordered to pay to ex-business associate Lydia Harris, who claims she and her ex-husband, Michael Harris, helped build the rap empire.

In a 22-page filing, Knight says his debts include $11.3 million in federal income tax, $437,000 in state income tax, $9,300 to Nextel, $1,100 to Cingular Wireless and $15,000 on his Orchard Bank credit card.

But the hefty rap honcho claims he owns no cars or real estate and has just $11 in his Washington Mutual checking account, $25,000 worth of "personal jewelry," $1,000 worth of clothes and $2,000 worth of furniture.

Knight is scheduled to appear today before a bankruptcy trustee to face a grilling by his creditors.

Knight listed his biggest asset as $4.4million in music publishing and copyrights, on which the Internal Revenue Service has placed a lien.

He listed the value of his record and other companies, including Death Row Records, as "unknown."